I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
