Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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