im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
