Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
