There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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