I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
