I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
