11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
