I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Be still, my beating vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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