Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
