so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
