i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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