Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
