i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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