Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
