when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
