The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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