dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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