Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
