Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
