Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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