I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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