FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
