I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
