The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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