And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
