I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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