Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
