Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
