i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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