I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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