tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
