Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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