what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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