She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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