I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
