Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
