So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
