also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
