So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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