tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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