i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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