i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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