for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
