Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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