you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
