man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
