Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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