Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
