we have pet lesbian snakes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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