i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
