Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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