the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
