Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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