I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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