Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
