I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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