Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
