sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''