I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
