I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
